Peanut Butter-Chocolate Pie

Let me officially welcome you to Dude’s Desert Day. Yeah, it’s spelled wrong. It’s still delicious! And in my case has poor grammar and spelling. Since no one actually bothered to explain what Dude’s Des(s)ert Day is, allow me. One fine day, our founding father (know simply as Dubs) took a break from his speed-walking and decided to grace us with both his presence and a home-made key lime pie. At the time some of us (well me specifically) had never had a key lime pie. Needless to say, it was delicious. Someone (me thinks it was S.Dot) said “We should do this every week!”, and thusly Dudes Dessert Day was born. Notice the correct spelling, since you can not spell something wrong when you say it. The origin of Desert Day was a simple combination of someone (else’s) poor spelling, and Microsoft’s inability to detect incorrect word usage. If someone knows of a good homonym (or is it homophone) detector, please let me know. Smell that? That’s irony.

Now, on to my dessert:

The recipe for this dessert was originally published in Family Fun magazine, or possibly Family Circle magazine, or possibly Family Circus, or possibly Circus Fun magazine (substitute elephant poop for the chocolate and it totally works!). If you are the copyright holder of this recipe, I apologize for the poor citation.

Despite Drew’s anticipation in the previous post, this dessert is neither vegan (as were my two previous desserts) nor overly sugary. Don’t get me wrong, it is very sweet, but blame that on the ingredients.

You start with 1/3 of a cup of peanut butter. It should be all natural peanut butter. The ingredients list on the peanut butter should go something like “Peanuts, salt”. If the list is longer than that, or contains anything you could not spell during a spelling bee, you bought the wrong kind. My favorites are Whole Food’s grind it yourself peanut butter or Teddie brand, but anything similar will work. Put the peanut butter in a mixing bowl and add 1/3 of a cup of refrigerated sweetened condensed milk. Stir until mixed. Then add 2/3 of a cup of heavy cream and beat with a mixer for a few minutes. The “stuff” should take on the consistency of mayonnaise or pudding.

Set this aside, and melt 2/3 of a cup of fair trade chocolate chips (should be about ½ a cup after melting/licking the spoon several times). Anything not fair trade will explode and possibly burn your house down. Pour the melted chocolate and 1/3 of a cup of refrigerated sweetened condensed milk into another mixing bowl. Stir until mixed. Then add 2/3 of a cup of heavy cream and beat with a mixer for a few minutes. This “other, darker stuff” will not achieve the same thickness as the PB mixture. It should be more like olive oil.

Take the PB mixture and drop dollops of it into a pie crust. Out of sheer laziness, I used a pre-made chocolate crumb crust. You can use anything, but I recommend a chocolaty crust. After you have dolloped about half of the PB mixture into the crust, pour the chocolate mix over it until it’s covered. Repeat the process until you have used up all of both mixtures or your spouse/significant other intervenes.

Top the pie with something fun like the remainder of the chocolate chips, crushed peanuts, or diced artichoke hearts. Put it in the fridge or freezer to set. It can be eaten frozen straight from the freezer, but I prefer to let it warm up to room temp, at which point it will regain it’s pudding like consistency. Top with your favorite non-gelatinous whipped cream (sorry “Cool-Whip”, you’ve got way too many ingredients for my diet).

For best results, freeze the pie overnight, then strap it to the tank of your motorcycle and bomb down the highway for 30-45 minutes. Nothin’ makes a pie taste better than a few bugs in your teeth.

Jon, you’re up next. Well rested after more than a week in Cali, you better bring it!